On community
This word to me, probably to you too, has been buzzing for quite a while now on the internet.
I craved that sense of belonging, I wanted it
I thought if I live constantly in a place, I’d have that
That connection, that feeling of belonging
The smile that people gets when they’re surrounded by their family and friends
I blamed my past self and my irregular move that didn’t allow me to have a place to belong
I used the internet to block this feeling, this urge to have a connection
At the same time I built a wall with the people that are already with me
Telling them that they don’t understand what I’m going through
I retracted and defensive and built a wall
Unconsciously
But now it’s time to open my eyes
I thought if I start over, move away, go to a place no one knows me, I can rewrite this book
But I realized now that the only way for me to feel belong is for me to be a home to myself first
Be kind to the little girl that made friends one day and had to say goodbye the next
Be compassionate to that one time you made your friend cry because you didn’t tell her you were leaving
Forgive your past self that protected that version of you
Whisper to her that you are stronger now
And with that, you are at home
With yourself
And with that, you realized you don’t need a community
A community will come to you
My first word on Substack! Or simply, my first words in public. This is all because people in the corner of Substack is so nice. English is not my first language, and I never see myself as a writer, but here i am. Why now? Because I’m in a transition phase of life and I wanted to do things i’ve been wanting to do but never did? you know? ikyk.
I usually write about random thoughts through out the years, living between cultures, on belonging, work, creativity and struggle of life. I like to be brutally honest and I’m not good with words coming out of my mouth so I think my writing resembles more of my words unspoken. Send me a <3 if this resonates